Poetry Emotion
This page is dedicated to the poems that I have written in the depths of my own emotional torment. For those of you that have known me to be the friend that will always listen. This is your chance to see the turbulance and hell that I call my mind. I ask you to read with an open mind as my prose does not alway make sence to the first time reader as I deal in a lot of simple sybolism.
My World | Broken Heart | The Darkness | Darkness Comes | Dark Hope | Regrets | The Rage
Importance | Death of a Dream | Distance | Leave Me Alone | Uneasy Mind | Me | Dark Paths
This is my world.
It is dark, it is bleak
but this is my world
This is my world
the sun sometimes shines
but I don't see it
This is my world
This is my world
there are flowers
but I can't find them
This is my world
This is my world
I am pretty sure there is love
but I am hurt by it
This is my world
This is my world
I have friends
but I can not touch them
This is my world
This is my world
life is hard
but the people I know make it worth all the while.
But that. Is my world
Dragon Dagger 8/27/2000
it is dark, it is cold
there is no one, young or old
The light has dimmed, the light has gone
like the bird and its morning song
where was he when I needed him then
the pain, the life the heart that bleeds
not there for me not there at all
now he knows I can not call.
I can not feel, I can not run
I feel no more for him with the gun
He left me there, alone and cold
He left me there with bills so old.
Now I'm sick, now I hurt
now I am the one that's burnt
I want to leave him from my mind
I want to leave him alone behind
the memory, the feelings, and now the time
he is not here and I am shamed.
my feelings they were maimed
Will I feel like I did again
will I learn to see him as a friend
he has hurt me, dragging me along
I was there for him all night long
Now he's gone and I move on
never coming back
singing not that song
This hurts, the good bye
and with tears in my eyes
I close the door the past just that
to let the shadows swallow it
with my feelings whole.
Dragon Dagger 9/8/2000
The darkness
The darkness, First here then gone
always there in the back of my mind
taking over it not defined
here then there, soon its every where
the mind is black, lost on its track
Chaos reigns supreme tonight
Dreams and dreams
nightmares come to life it seems
the mind has gone but chaos remains
charring the mind with its ugly stains
it is dark, it is black
and as I am on my back I wonder
why my life, is torn asunder
the chaos reigns today
Charge, be gone
its morning and with the dawn
the insanity leaves the mind its weak
the chaos remains, its shadows leaving their streak
the light, to bright
and those that are the creature of the night
soon learn about the lives that chaos leads
but now, night gone insanity leaves
BUT CHAOS WILL REMAIN.
Dragon Dagger 9/10/2000
The sun, what sun
gone away, winter dead
the pain, the darkness
kill my soul, deservedly
Falling calling
its dark and dreary dead
I can't see
Can't see the light
The dark So dark
so warm and perfect safe
embrace the dark
embrace the hurt
No more! I cry
the day is gone
the night has come
and so the time of healing has ended.
Dragon Dagger 11/21/00
Learning the Light
It's the end of the night
Emotions once dark
now touching the light
Those in my life
once here now gone
The memories remain
Their spirits live on
Learning from the past
Present and more
Knowing their lives
even my score
I can not leave
the present just yet
I'm not alone
Just deeply in debt.
Dragon Dagger 12/05/2000
Again it happened.
he took my pride
he took my self
Smooth as silk
enchanting as spice
Talked his way
back in my life
A day of right
now gone wrong
with out a fight
mind numbing song
An afternoon bright
cheerful and white
now dark and burnt
from the lessons learned
He was supposed to be gone
I was supposed to forget
Now all I have
Are the memories I regret.
Dragon Dagger 1-31-2001
The Rage
It is dark
is it deep
Black as the night
Burning and twisting the soul
It is pain
it is fear
it is not with out tears
Flaring and killing the night
Bringing the peace
to a final dark end
I see the rage with in you
It will kill what is lost
and give strength to the pride
and love the flames in your heart.
Dragon Dagger 8-24-2001
Blackness is come.
Darkness like the twilight sky
hope has faded
the day is jaded
its time to say goodbye.
love has faded to its rust colored hue
family has shown to be the only thing untrue
Kill the heart
steal the mind
A puppet remains
You think I am that
nothing but a tool?
Full fill your want then throw me away
I am not important
see me here,
Crying at your feet
Walk over me.
I am not important any more.
Dragon Dagger 9-30-2001
I watch, I wait
I feel the pain.
Longing for the time when I can act
Feeling the path grow before me
knowing there is not turning back.
A mistake was made.
I took a life, not a real one, but one that seemed as real.
I killed a dream
that dream had life, a chance at one at least.
Squandered away. Squashed with no remorse.
Am I even worthy of this dream?
Could I have ever made it happen?
Is there a chance that it will come back to life?
apperently there is a one word answer.
One that seeds hope for another, and hopelessness for me.
No
Dragon Dagger 10-21-2002
There you were in the distance
always there always a friend
I never knew just what was there
untill you went away.
I'm seeing life from a new point of view
there's things to see and so much to do
you were there to help me reach for it all
no matter the time, no matter at all
we met as friends in life, day to day
come to work, go to break, the game we played
we became something more, became something more
becomeing scared, I settled the score
there you were in the distance
always there alwats a friend
I never knew just what was there
Until I went away.
Time had passed, and we lost touch
it was there, my heart knew so much
we spent the days wondering where to go
and I know that you were there,
You'd know where I'd go.
More time passed, I lived my life alone
we came around again vowing to just be friends
there is so much we've seen, so much we've done
Now there must be something more,
now this can not be the end.
There you were in the distance
always there always a friend
I never knew just what was there
until we went away.
There we were in the distance
always there always just as friends
is it that there's something there
or was that day, truly the end.
Truly the end.
is it the end?
Dragon Dagger 11-06-2002
As we talked on the phone
we reminisced of the time
I barely hung on to the end of my line
I talked of the hope you and my friends gave
you talked of the change, sent my heart to the grave
I've changed much since then
the change started fast
I scared you and others
that I loved in my past
Lonliness, my friend
a choice not mine to make
I hit the bottom, yet I did not break
I still feel alone
especially now
with your faith in me gone
its all I'll allow
Is there a place
for me in your life
with the hurt and the fear
and the pain and the strife
I carry and mend
one day at a time
then only to learn
I wasted my time.
Should I be glad that I clawed my way back
should I just hide and leave it at that
I was lost in the dark, My pain was too great
and the fear that I caused, now my biggest mistake
I'm stronger now than I ever was then
but you shook my foundations
with what you said then.
"I felt at that time, your sister was right."
"I didn't know what to do on that night"
"You changed before me, I saw it, so did she"
"Maybe the state, should have taken your key."
I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm lost now again
I don't know how I could ever defend
myself from the blow that you landed that day
all I know now, is that I'll stay away.
You lack faith in me, you fear me
and yet through it all
you say "I love you" wiht the most incredible gall
You've done nothing for me,
brought nothing but pain
you say things in love
but you hurt me again
Leave me alone
I refuse to hear you now
You hurt me for the last time
this is my vow
You know where I hurt, you poke the bruise there
like some sick sadist, but with a mask of care
Get real, get lost, some people don't like hearing it all
you've hurt me more than you'll ever know.
Dragon Dagger 11-19-2002
You talked to me
you made me well
I thought you cared
you sent me to hell
Now as I sit
alone in my room
my thoughts center 'round
what to do with you
You shattered my trust
I thought you cared
now I'm not sure
as I talk to the air
My mind is in turmoil
my heart torn in two
all just be cause
of a few words from you
Dragon Dagger 11-19-2002
I look at the walls
empty and white,
blank like my life.
Do walls ever wonder
what it's like to have something close to it?
do they ever feel alone when they are empty of anything that decorates?
I see them clear and I am reminded of the void in my life.
I have friends and I have my "brothers"
But I have no one for me.
No one to Love, No one to confide.
No one to understand that I am a woman
with womanly fears and womanly needs
I'm one of the guys
and treated as such I forget who I am
I forget what I am and I forget that I am lost
Losing my place I lose my chance at happiness again.
Can't they understand?
Can't they learn I need to be held?
Held in a comforting and warm embrace?
Oen that is not posessive yet cares
understands and loves, yet does not smother.
Can I not find that here?
Maybe I am who I am,
but does that mean that I have no right to find my happiness?
There is a void
an emptyness I fear
and I look into the darkness and wonder
am I doomed to this void for life?
Is this the curse of being the way I am?
Strong yet so weak
Fragile yet hard
trusting and innocent yet jaded beyond recovery
I have no one to care for, no one to love no one to give what is in my heart to give
If only because I've been hurt before.
I have a coat of thorns, it hurts others and it hurts me in the end
but no one understands that that is only a coat, to see past it would be to see the underside of a hedgehog.
I have hurt others. Perhaps in hurting and beign hurt I will learn that there is no one for me.
Shallow people with shallow vision
no brave souls to see that I am not what is on top,
at least not all of it.
I'm deeper than the oceans and more complex than the human thought.
Maybe someday...
I wish that...
But maybe's and wishes are for dreamers, adn I am trapped between worlds.
Unable to give for fear of the hurt
yet giving far more of myself than anyone realizes.
I am me, there is no one else to be.
Dragon Dagger 12-07-2002
Underneath the cool facade.
a storm is held at bay.
The image of strength and independance
merely an illusion.
I feel a foreign feeling,
Yet I know it for what it is
Jealousy, confused and misunderstood
A life at rest uneasy.
I think of him often,
my feelings change
One day do I love him?
the next Is he my brother?
Promises broken
a bitter pain to take
I trusted him again
and he proved to me a fake.
Why does he hurt me like this
a question long denied
Perhaps if I knew the answer
I'd start to heal inside.
The facade is now complete
Only mild hurt ever shows
yet deeper down, near to my heart
a Darker feeling grows.
This darkness over shadows
yet can not take over
Since the life I lead now one
of restraint, drugs and control
And so my mind is clear
to see what grows with out sun
but to hear his voice adn see him again
reassurance to ease the pain
Perhaps I need to let him go
he's moved on with his life.
I would only hinder the relationship he has now.
and the pain my lasting sorrow.
Dragon Dagger 12-09-2003